Darren and I gave ourselves 36 hours to be unreasonable. We found ourselves in an unreasonable situation surrounded by unreasonable individuals and so we gave each other permission to act accordingly. I must admit it felt good, cleansing in fact. I was playing a part unbound by shoulds and woulds and my hurt and emotion and raw anger came boiling over sticky and close to burning a singed smell and craziness attached to it. Our time limit is up. It is Easter morning. I thought I would feel bad, ashamed even. And I don’t. I thought my behavior was not in accordance with my values. I guess my values are to be outrageous and preposterous when the place you find yourself in calls for it… to fight back against wrongdoing… to stand your ground even if it means not standing at all but jumping around like a lunatic to call attention to the cause.

Now I am soaking in this glorious day. Meeting up with family to feast and enjoy each other just the way we are.

I thought the end of this poem “Interrupted Meditation” by Robert Hass summed it up nicely:

Everyone their own devastation. Each on its own scale.
I don’t know what the key opens. I know we die,
and don’t know what is at the end. We don’t behave well
And there are monsters out there, and millions of others
to carry out their orders. We live half our lives
in fantasy, and words. This morning I am pretending
to be walking down the mountain in the heat.
A vault of blue sky, traildust, the sweet medicinal
scent of mountain grasses, and at trailside—
I’m a little ashamed that I want to end this poem
singing, but I want to end this poem singing—the wooly
closed-down buds of the sunflower to which, in English,
someone gave the name, sometime, of pearly everlasting.

DSO_1758

towelrack

Getting my creative on. I bought this patterned board at our local Gardner’s Market from talented textile designer and artist Holly Zollinger. It was in my office at the University and has been homeless since I left teaching. The hooks are from our old house in Wellsville. I stripped about a million layers of paint off of them and have carried them around for ten years. The two have finally come together and the bath has a new towel rack.

italyvase

Monday. It ended up being a good one. I worked out and on the way home quickly stopped by a thrift store and found this awesome colorful geometric ceramic. It is stamped Italy 727/18 on the bottom. I thought that made it pretty special. I then grabbed some loose stem flowers from the florist and one of Chase’s darling high school friends selected some bright buds to freshen the atmosphere around here. Uncle Tom came by and we scanned sheets of WWII stamps and photos of my grandfather Nathaniel Thomas Toole (such a good name) from his training days in the army, before he was killed in the war. This hanging out with family and friends and discovering unknown stories is becoming quite the habit. Tomorrow I’m going to visit a student who lives in an old Victorian in town previously occupied by polygamists to see the “secret tunnels”